Rant #1 - Dudes in Porn

Ok, I actually have several other topics I’d like to cover that are way above this one in terms of importance, but since another frequent rant topic, women, have dried up, I’ve been watching quite a lot of porn lately. After the hundreds of videos I’ve seen I just can’t take the dudes in the movies anymore. Primarily they need to:

1) Stop showing the guy’s ass and cock as the centerpiece of the fucking film. I mean what the hell…it’s friggin disgusting. I don’t know one guy that watches porn to see another man’s hog or hairy ass crack…well ok, maybe Coble, but still. I understand to have decent porn there will have to be a guy involved. I’m down with that. I understand you’ll see the guy’s meat, its just the cost of doing business…I can handle that that too. What I’m specifically bitching about here is the times when suddenly the hot little 18 year old Bulgarian is no longer the focus on the movie but the pathetic dude she’s banging is. When the camera starts following his junk instead of her vagina, we all lose.

2) Have the rat fuck shut up. Ok, I get that the little interviews at the start of some porns might be funny or establish the dumbass back story we seem to care about sometimes, but seriously…I don’t give a shit that this dumbass guy thinks his voice is the reason we tune in. Its pretty simple - the cute little girl saying “please don’t tell my parents that I’ve been a naughty girl.” = HOT - the dude screaming loud as shit when he’s about to blow his load in the dumb whore’s hair = NOT. I have no need to hear you growling and convulsing. I know you’re getting some serious work in there and I’m sure many times you just feel the need to say something…but you know what? The video isn’t for your pleasure and personal satisfaction. You're on my time, so SHUT IT!

3) This last one might just be a personal preference, I don’t know. But I simply must insist...stop spending so much screen time showing the dude eating the girl out. I can’t explain it, but I just can’t take it anymore. I mean a vagina is a BEAUTIFUL thing. And God, I absolutely LOVE going down on a girl…and don’t know many people besides Dustin that hate doing that to be honest. But why do I need to see some dude eating the girl out? I think maybe my primary problem with this is that when you watch the guy go down on her, you see his face. Again, I guess it just comes down to the fact that I have absolutely no desire to acknowledge that there is a guy that isn’t me in the movie. (NOTE: a girl eating another girl out is A-OK and, in fact, it is encouraged!)

Closing Thought:
I mean porn has come a long way in my time. We can access tons of it for free at the click of a mouse. But seriously (and this is a lesson learned kids)...there's always room for improvement!