Bad Dates

I felt the need for another post today and couldn't think of a quick hit topic...but then after just seeing a list of potential Oscar nominations, a wave of inspiration hit me and the following flew out.

Unfortunately there is this silly thing called dating that we must all go through. Some of the time the dates go great, sparks fly, romance is kindled, etc etc. Sometimes the dates aren’t anything to write home about but aren't horrible either. But then there are the crème de la crème…the bad ones. I figured I could write down two bad dates that I’ve recently had for your reading pleasure.

Dec 2008 – This one was this past December and definitely disappointing. I had gone out with this girl once before and had a pretty decent time, we'd texted, chatted, and emailed some and I was actually looking forward to a second date. And when I found out the second date she wanted to go on was to see a special invitation-only preview of the new Frost/Nixon movie (Oscar buzz) with special guest Ron Howard and others involved in the film, I thought it pretty friggin awesome! Not so fast my friend. After a very short time I was pretty much dying for the movie to roll. I understand you’re in PR and this is a pretty impressive gig, but I have no clue what you are going on and on about nor am I interested in your stories of people I should supposedly be impressed by. Oh and a small piece of advice…brush your teeth please. I could seriously smell her breath from the next seat, and it wasn’t just stale…it was RANK. Anyways, I was more interested in texting other people than actually speaking to my date. By the time the movie (which was awesome) and the panel discussion (which was excellent) were over I needed a drink...to which she agreed. I figured I owed her that much for the sweet gig she got me into and maybe we both just needed to chill a bit…of course then I proceeded to get 45 minutes of boring “I’ve met this famous person and that famous person” nonsense. That’s cool and all, I mean I'm no stranger to fame myself...I once had former Heavyweight champ Lennox Lewis use the urinal next to me in the Philadelphia airport (true story!)…but how about we talk about something that is either thought provoking or maybe still interesting after 5 minutes. I was annoyed and tired by the end and I definitely pulled the ultimate chick move...gave her the cheek when she went in for the lips…SUCKER!

Aug/Sept 2008 – I blame myself for letting this one get out of hand. Met a girl at Liberty Tavern, a decent Clarendon bar, for some nice beverages and food. Zero sense of humor, particularly for my own brand of dry humor, which is unique to say the least. Well I decided to at least give it some time…but it quickly drains my willpower. I mean she had nothing…no interesting stories about herself, no interesting stories about somebody she knows, no interesting stories about anything, ZERO, ZIP. So blah, blah, blah, we finish up drinks and an appetizer after 3 hours (WTF?!). I’ve been watching the clock from pretty much the start, so I’m SUPER psyched to leave. As always I open my very big, very dumb mouth, simply being polite since I only assumed she was as bored as I was, and said “well that was great…care to go somewhere else or call it a night?” As soon as I even offered that up, I regretted saying it. Another hour+ of torture and boredom at another bar as I wondered who could possibly ever deal with this. Finally I resorted to lying, which I really, really hate doing even with a minor lie (Lying! I smell a future Rant topic!). I said something about having a lot of work in the morning and that I’d walk her to her car. Pretty sure she got the hint then since I picked up the pace to her car, gave her a quick peck and a thanks and hauled ass when she was in her vehicle. God it gives me shivers…I believe the final runtime on that date was about 4 hours???? SHOOT ME.

Moral of the story: I should just be more of an asshole from the start instead of waiting until people actually get to know me...